As Bon Jovi memorably put it decades ago, “Woah, we’re halfway there/Woah, livin’ on a prayer/Take my hand, we’ll make it I swear/Woah, livin’ on a prayer.”
As such, I have come up with a modification to the Midpoint Theorem. It is the Midyear Theorem, and what follows are some of the anecdotes that I have used to formulate it.
This post couldn’t have come at a better time since it is almost one year to the day that I managed to actually graduate high school (defying a lot of the skeptics of the world).
It defies the imagination, but the school year is now halfway over, meaning that “we’re halfway there.” Unlike basically every other school, this isn’t exactly a natural stopping point in our year, but in my mind the fact that I’ve managed to stay this sane for this long is reason enough to write something (that will mostly amount to commenting on the past five weeks, since I wrote a decent amount about my first 24 hours back here).
For much of the first three weeks, it didn’t really seem like it was a true “winter” quarter to me. After all, there was basically no snow, and this is Chicago. We are a city that dumped an incumbent mayor back in the day because of his inadequate dealing with snowfall.
That said, it’s not like nothing happens when we have nice weather. In fact, a lot can happen when we can still see the grass on the ground. After all, it’s just not the same being in school and not having a heat gun pointed at one of your professor’s heads.
You can and should have friends visit.
You can and should sample Mindy’s Hot Chocolate because it is amazing.
You can and should do community service.
You can and should go to a gun range with College Republicans.
You can and should watch the State of the Union with fellow Republicans.
You can and should have your shoes match your outfit (and I am not one known for giving fashion advice).
You can and should go home and not tell your family and shock them with your presence because you’re going to a pro-Israel Greek leaders conference in DC.
You can and should go laser tagging.
Finally, you can probably go to Clarke’s (which I did for the first time). If you go, however, you must drink an entire liter of orange juice there to truly experience it at its finest.
Needless to say, when we experienced the fifth largest snowstorm in the history of the city, I immediately regretted the desire I had had to experience a true Chicago winter, because this was absolutely terrible.
Fortunately, the terrible nature of this weather didn’t prevent Justice Elena Kagan from flying in and speaking to students (technically she had flown in before the storm).
After all, she taught here before becoming a Supreme Court Justice, so she’s used to our terrible weather.
A natural con of massive snowstorms is that you will of course not feel like moving…at all. But since we are humans, we do need food. So, for the first time in my life I wandered to Chipotle in the aftermath of the storm to make sure I’d have enough food for myself without having to actually get out of bed in the near future (always buy more than you plan on eating).
Fortunately, my love of Chipotle got me a Twitter shoutout that made it all worth it.
Unlike Justice Kagan, Tim Phillips, the president of Americans for Prosperity (who was an IOP Fellow for a week) was not used to our snow…at all. However, that didn’t stop him from having breakfast with College Republicans at the Med.
As for doing fun things on campus, the Maroon Veterans Alliance had their first Veterans Career Advocacy Program, and not even the weather prevented us from having a great turnout at our first major event since we were founded a few months ago.
Similarly, UChicago Friends of Israel had its first event of this quarter, where we screened the first episode of Hatufim, which is of course the Israeli show that inspired Homeland.
Perhaps most legendarily of all, however, was AEPi’s recent performance at Arrowfest (I will update this post when I get the video). What is Arrowfest, you might ask. This is not an unfair question to ask.
Pi Phi has now allowed the entirety of UChicago’s campus the opportunity to witness the insane amount of talents that our fraternities and sororities have for two consecutive years.
As a reward for reading this article, I feel like I can give some inside scoop on our spectacular performance of Blank Space.
After one real rehearsal, four brave brothers (of which I was one) of the Alpha Epsilon Pi fraternity ascended the stage in front of tens of thousands (or more like hundreds) of adoring fans (or more accurately, people who were in the audience).
From the start, it was apparent we weren’t going to win. However, we were so good that we had a solid chance of winning most entertaining, because we obviously were entertaining.
As the winners were called, we were ready to claim what was rightfully ours…only to be disheartened by the news the FIJI had won most entertaining (you be the judge, but we were clearly the best).
As a fun fact, this happened on Ronald Reagan’s 104th birthday, which also happens to be Scott Walker’s anniversary (what a coincidence…). Another fun fact that that Reagan was in fact born in Illinois (so although we claim to be the Land of Lincoln, we’re more accurately the Land of Reagan, since Lincoln was actually born in Kentucky).
Another birthday fun fact is that Reagan’s birthday is three days after my half birthday, so it’s an appropriate place for me to post this awesome picture of me from back in the day.
Another great thing you should try to do is be quoted in The Maroon, which I was for the first time in the context of our upcoming Mayoral election.
Finally, the Maroon Veterans Alliance also had its first Points for Patriots basketball tournament, which was an immense success in all respects except that my team was a complete disaster (I say this with the utmost respect). After losing our first game 33-1 (these are single points, which is unbelievably pathetic), we did manage to close the gap in the final one we played before we were eliminated by only losing 4-1 (magically, I managed to score both of our points in these games).
This is how I like to imagine myself playing basketball:
However, in reality, it was more like this:
So where was I going with all of this? If you were expecting a proof for the Midyear Theorem, you’ve come to the wrong place since I have no further insight on it.
If it seems like I used too many pictures, all I have to say is I was impressed by my own restraint.